We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
