Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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