I am in a vortex of obligation.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
