Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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