no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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