can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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