Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
