So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I would ride that face into the sunset
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
