I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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