i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
