Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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