if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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