Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
