He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
