and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
