I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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