Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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