saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
