the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
