12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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