i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
