if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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