Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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