Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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