i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
