just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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