So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
