Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
