why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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