There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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