Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
