The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
