I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
