I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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