ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
