don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
