Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
