Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
