Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
