she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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