I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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