i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
