Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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