I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
