update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
