thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
