That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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