So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
