I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
