I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
